Monday, July 2, 2007

DOPPELGANGER


Crazy isn’t it??? Just being yourself…how many times have you faced the person u c everyday in the mirror??? And how many times do you answer her queries???....does she ask you if you’re beautiful or tells u that u are…..Well in case none of these then did she ever help u meet the person that u actually are???
I met her three years ago…found her pretty and really confidant. But the most appealing thing about that sweet face was her innocence and she won my heart instantaneously…. Kept meeting her day in and day out and today we’ve become great friends. We hardly fight; n we don’t even mind not spending time with each other… just that I know she’s my doppelganger………. She’s here to stay and will stay with me forever…
Every time I made a mistake I knew I really couldn’t face her. for she knew me so well, I know she wouldn’t say a thing but I really didn’t have the courage to tell her that I deliberately went wrong somewhere. She still loves me despite all odds yet she’s just my reflection….
She taught me to love myself so much so that I really didn’t realize that I had become selfish…. Just that one of these days I saw her and she made fun of me…. Well not really me but the person that I had become and I am just sorry that, I learnt my lesson wrong!!
So an apology to my great friend ….. I love you…….. n sorry for being selfish!!

WHY???? DO U REALLY WANNA KNOW???

It is like this coz I want it to b.......there r things under ma control n this is one of those things....if it bleeds to know d reality I’m ready to die for the truth!!! want it plain n simple not like the older times when I used to travel the whole galaxy trying to know things that I used to think were important, whereas at d end of d day I used to realize that I just wasted my time on things which hardly existed...I really didn’t dream.. Was kindaa too scared but today god knows what’s wrong?? If it comes to losing my sanity I’m really not scared...I’m no more sane ha-ha.. weird, but I like it like that 2 day, at least its teaching me a whole new page of this book called life...n I just love the way it keeps things hidden in its bosom ….it shows up only when it wants to…n its just crazy at times….
It killed me a million times before I actually started believing in life…it taught me to cherish the best n the worst moments of my life…best so that I know that I’m not alone worst so that I grow up stronger in solitude n FIGHT BACK!!
The moment I thought were my best at that time, today make me feel befuddled …..its k but coz I love those moments too….just that they too added some spice to my unadorned life…Hmmm…but there are some moments that I really miss a lot like being there….. doing it all myself…my reckless behavior. My who cares A(hhhh)TTITUDE that bothered many!!! I miss it all so much…. cause today I cant take a risk being that crazy, outlandish female again…..have to get ready for some donkeywork…I cant defy their rules and regulations…..so m I chained down??? Has some 1 put me under custody for the crime that I am bout to commit….nah nah nah
Its just me, m just doing it for the time being and if some one is happy…I’m ok with it coz at the end I know I’ll set myself free… right now I’m liking it all chained up…but depends, as to for how long…..coz with me u never know!!!

Sunday, July 1, 2007

PAGES FROM THE PAST....

PAGES FROM THE PAST
its all so different, so strange...the change of feelings....the journey from girlhood to womanhood. The change in feelings, the mixed emotions. The tears and the laughter. cant understand anything...what was I before I came to this uncouth place...an innocent female, a chick who was learning to fly. Not that this place has done things to the kid, but strange things happened and the kid gave away the best part of her life that I’ve lost it completely was so valuable to it......
As I relate to my earlier being I cant find . the thought still rankles in my mind, have I been too frivolous or have I done nothing to be ashamed of..... wasn’t too sure now m a sure that m not a kid anymore!!! and I profusely believe in ma statement....I’m not being namby-pamby here when I write all this.... as I shirk away the thoughts and as I try to recapitulate the good moments I feel ashamed of my temerity, I’ve innerved completely, and I have no questions to ask and no answers to give to myself. I look at my past and m happy then when I see the present I know that I’m happy in the present but I have no guts to look or rather think of a future....its all so bleak and undecided. That’s when I feel at times its ethereal and at the other times things and feelings have been so poignant...
I’m very much normal all day long but the uncanny feelings catch hold of my insecurities night and make me feel as if its an emotional wound that wont heal all my life...at times I feel there is a wall of glass between reality and practicality...reality as of now is too sweet and happy whereas practicality is always being solicitous as well as impudent and as I am an emotional freak I’m happy adhering with the reality....
I’m no whipper snapper when I say that I love him cause I actually love him!! Never in my life I felt so lonesome yet so occupied. It stirs up a storm of steamy memories and den a feeling of helplessness, what will I do without him?? Lots of things to do I know but my heart is sad........
TO BE CONT.....