What was…was!

A countless pages turned,
Many a minutes burned
Every instance the same thought
I am trying to conceal that blood clot!
I am weary and my soul burns
Every moment waiting to return
To the person I was
However, the time is lost….

There is nothing from the past that
I want to connect with
Those were the insane moments
I had to live with….
But I won’t deny,
Somewhere still,
I remember the aged brick walls,
The ancient classrooms
And the random talks…

I still miss some,
And I feel really dumb
to have lost them to the crowd,
And this despicable cloud,
of memories again…..
and this excruciating pain,

In my dreams, I still see places,
I remember treading on a similar path,
I remember the mornings &,
I remember the dark.
Exactly the way it used to be
But now I know it is just a dream….

But if I lost it all
It wasn’t exactly my fault….
I still believe I am not the only guilty
I still believe I wasn’t all that wrong.
I did what was expected of me
I did it to make you happy
Nonetheless I hardly care
Today I live with no remorse or fear…